This is such a helpful framework. Yesterday I had a moment I was triggered by my child’s response to something and I immediately got upset with myself for letting it get to me.
I thought “I know this isn’t about me, why am I still having this emotional response?”
It’s soothing to recognize that it’s a process to untangle, that the emotions will always be there, and that over time the response can shift. (Which it already has so giving myself credit for the work I’ve done on that!)
Looking forward to learning more about the Integration piece 💜
I love this, and especially that you gave yourself credit for the work you’ve already done. Recognizing a pattern doesn’t mean we suddenly stop having an emotional response to it. Sometimes the change is simply that we notice it sooner, understand what’s happening, and slowly create more space between the trigger and what we do next.
And I’m so glad you mentioned Integration because this is exactly where we’re going next. Since you’re already a monthly paid subscriber, you also have access to the R.I.S.E. workbook section, where I’m starting to build out the practical tools alongside these conversations. https://teresafracasso.substack.com/perks I really want this to become something you can actually use, not just read about.
And thank you for being one of the people here while I’m building this. It means a lot to me.
An 8 minute call sounds very quick but to someone else it could feel like an eternity. That's great you shifted your perspective and used your RISE steps. I always say change what you can and embrace or accept what you can't. In other words, we can't control other's actions but we can control our reaction to their actions. Thank you for your share!
Exactly. And I think that’s where so much of our power actually lives — not in trying to change what happened or control someone else’s behavior, but in noticing the story we’re creating around it and choosing what we do with it from there. Thank you for reading and for such a thoughtful comment.
I know that specific timing — you finally arrive somewhere you fought to get to, and within days the old thing calls to remind you the arriving didn’t settle it. The move changes the postcode, not what you carry through the door. What stayed with me is that you didn’t dress it up as closure. You felt the anger, saw what it touched, and went on with your day. That’s not the same as being healed of him, and I’m glad you didn’t pretend it was.
You got exactly what I was trying to say here. I think for a long time I thought healing meant eventually getting to a place where these things just wouldn’t affect me anymore. And I don’t really believe that now.
The difference is what happens after. I can feel the anger, recognize what it’s touching, and not give it the rest of my day. No neat closure, no pretending it doesn’t hurt. Just not letting an old pattern decide what happens next.
That line about the conversation turning back to him within seconds captures the whole dynamic in one moment. The distance and history you laid out at the start makes the flat, sad tone hit even harder. Really honest writing about something so complicated.
Thank you, Isabella. That moment was actually the reason I wanted to write this. On the surface it was such a small interaction, but because of all the history underneath it, it carried so much more. Writing about these moments is always very vulnerable, but I always hope it can serve others! Really appreciate you seeing that.
Exactly. And I think that second part is where so much of the power sits. We can recognize the pattern, but if we keep giving the experience the same meaning, we can still end up repeating it. For me, reframing isn’t pretending something didn’t hurt — it’s questioning whether the meaning I automatically attached to it is actually the only truth.
Teresa, the distinction you made between the event itself and the meaning we attach to it is so sharp. It’s hard to stop expecting a different response from people who have spent decades showing us who they are, but catching that loop in real time is a huge win. The fact that eight minutes no longer cost you an entire day shows just how much internal ground you’ve reclaimed.
I love the way you reflected that back to me because that really is the change. The relationship itself hasn’t magically changed, and neither has the history. What changed is how long I allow one moment to live inside me afterward. I think that’s such an important part of this work: sometimes progress isn’t that we stop getting triggered, it’s that the trigger stops owning the rest of our day. Thank you for writing always to thoughtful comments!
Teresa, “what eight minutes used to cost me” gives this piece its deepest measure of change. The call can still activate the old story, while recognition shortens how long that story holds decision rights over the hours that follow. Your event, meaning, belief, behavior sequence makes that shift usable: awareness creates a place where the present can regain authority before history chooses the next response. I appreciate the candor with which you let the framework emerge from a moment that still had enough power to hurt.
I really appreciate this. “The present can regain authority before history chooses the next response” captures so beautifully what I was trying to get at. The call still hurt, and I think that matters — the goal isn’t to become unaffected. The change was being able to recognize what was happening while it was happening, rather than handing the rest of my day over to an old story. That feels like a much more realistic measure of growth to me.
Hi Teresa, I love how you've simplified the steps in the RISE method to help people become aware of and understand where the invisible beliefs originate and how to transform them instead of allowing them to take over their lives 💜
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I hoped R.I.S.E. could do — make something that can feel incredibly complicated a little easier to understand and work with. So many of our beliefs and patterns operate quietly in the background until we actually stop and recognize them. And once we can see them, we finally have a choice about what we want to carry forward and what we want to change.
Thank you so much. Looking back, I think resilience was something I learned along the way rather than something I always felt I had. And that’s really part of why I wanted to share R.I.S.E. — to turn some of what those difficult chapters taught me into something that might help someone else navigate their own.
I truly believe that we’re constantly confronted with challenges. And the eight minutes phone call was one for you. What matters is not the conversation itself, but your reaction to it. I’ve learned that acknowledging it for what it is and then moving on to something else helps. It’s not always easy and I like that you have your RISE method to help you navigate these kinds of situations. Sending you so much love.🫶
Thank you so much. And yes, that’s exactly it. The eight-minute call was really just the trigger — what mattered was recognizing what it brought up in me and what I chose to do with it afterwards. That’s actually such a big part of why I created R.I.S.E.: not because we can avoid challenges, but because having something to come back to can help us understand our reaction and choose where we go from there. Sending lots of love back to you.
For you it was a 8 minute call with your father to trigger
For me it is some other immediate family member to trigger
Those 8 minutes is like a hours. The reason being we are aware the call doesn’t have any soul to it. We can sense this. After the conversation it leaves a leaves a feeling of heaviness in both our mind and heart .
I have experienced and I am experiencing this Teresa . So can relate to this post .
Uma, I really felt this. Especially when you said that those eight minutes can feel like hours when you already know there is no real connection in the conversation. And that heaviness afterwards… I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it’s not even about what was said, but about everything you can feel underneath what wasn’t said. Thank you for sharing something so personal with me. Sending you lots of love.
Perhaps the hardest change isn’t preventing the past from touching us, but recognizing the exact moment it begins speaking in place of the present. I was especially struck by the distinction between what happens and the meaning we continue to give it.
I love how you put this — “the moment the past begins speaking in place of the present.” That’s exactly the space I’m trying to become better at catching. The past will still touch us, but we don’t have to let it automatically interpret what is happening now. For me, that distinction between the event and the meaning is where a different response finally becomes possible.
Perhaps the hardest change isn’t preventing the past from touching us, but recognizing the exact moment it begins speaking in place of the present. I was especially struck by the distinction between what happens and the meaning we continue to give it.
This is such a helpful framework. Yesterday I had a moment I was triggered by my child’s response to something and I immediately got upset with myself for letting it get to me.
I thought “I know this isn’t about me, why am I still having this emotional response?”
It’s soothing to recognize that it’s a process to untangle, that the emotions will always be there, and that over time the response can shift. (Which it already has so giving myself credit for the work I’ve done on that!)
Looking forward to learning more about the Integration piece 💜
I love this, and especially that you gave yourself credit for the work you’ve already done. Recognizing a pattern doesn’t mean we suddenly stop having an emotional response to it. Sometimes the change is simply that we notice it sooner, understand what’s happening, and slowly create more space between the trigger and what we do next.
And I’m so glad you mentioned Integration because this is exactly where we’re going next. Since you’re already a monthly paid subscriber, you also have access to the R.I.S.E. workbook section, where I’m starting to build out the practical tools alongside these conversations. https://teresafracasso.substack.com/perks I really want this to become something you can actually use, not just read about.
And thank you for being one of the people here while I’m building this. It means a lot to me.
An 8 minute call sounds very quick but to someone else it could feel like an eternity. That's great you shifted your perspective and used your RISE steps. I always say change what you can and embrace or accept what you can't. In other words, we can't control other's actions but we can control our reaction to their actions. Thank you for your share!
Exactly. And I think that’s where so much of our power actually lives — not in trying to change what happened or control someone else’s behavior, but in noticing the story we’re creating around it and choosing what we do with it from there. Thank you for reading and for such a thoughtful comment.
I know that specific timing — you finally arrive somewhere you fought to get to, and within days the old thing calls to remind you the arriving didn’t settle it. The move changes the postcode, not what you carry through the door. What stayed with me is that you didn’t dress it up as closure. You felt the anger, saw what it touched, and went on with your day. That’s not the same as being healed of him, and I’m glad you didn’t pretend it was.
You got exactly what I was trying to say here. I think for a long time I thought healing meant eventually getting to a place where these things just wouldn’t affect me anymore. And I don’t really believe that now.
The difference is what happens after. I can feel the anger, recognize what it’s touching, and not give it the rest of my day. No neat closure, no pretending it doesn’t hurt. Just not letting an old pattern decide what happens next.
Thank you for reading this with so much care.
That line about the conversation turning back to him within seconds captures the whole dynamic in one moment. The distance and history you laid out at the start makes the flat, sad tone hit even harder. Really honest writing about something so complicated.
Thank you, Isabella. That moment was actually the reason I wanted to write this. On the surface it was such a small interaction, but because of all the history underneath it, it carried so much more. Writing about these moments is always very vulnerable, but I always hope it can serve others! Really appreciate you seeing that.
Pattern recognition helps us notice what is happening; interpretation determines what we take away from it.
Exactly. And I think that second part is where so much of the power sits. We can recognize the pattern, but if we keep giving the experience the same meaning, we can still end up repeating it. For me, reframing isn’t pretending something didn’t hurt — it’s questioning whether the meaning I automatically attached to it is actually the only truth.
Teresa, the distinction you made between the event itself and the meaning we attach to it is so sharp. It’s hard to stop expecting a different response from people who have spent decades showing us who they are, but catching that loop in real time is a huge win. The fact that eight minutes no longer cost you an entire day shows just how much internal ground you’ve reclaimed.
I love the way you reflected that back to me because that really is the change. The relationship itself hasn’t magically changed, and neither has the history. What changed is how long I allow one moment to live inside me afterward. I think that’s such an important part of this work: sometimes progress isn’t that we stop getting triggered, it’s that the trigger stops owning the rest of our day. Thank you for writing always to thoughtful comments!
That's so true. Thanks for being so open in your articles, Teresa!
Teresa, “what eight minutes used to cost me” gives this piece its deepest measure of change. The call can still activate the old story, while recognition shortens how long that story holds decision rights over the hours that follow. Your event, meaning, belief, behavior sequence makes that shift usable: awareness creates a place where the present can regain authority before history chooses the next response. I appreciate the candor with which you let the framework emerge from a moment that still had enough power to hurt.
I really appreciate this. “The present can regain authority before history chooses the next response” captures so beautifully what I was trying to get at. The call still hurt, and I think that matters — the goal isn’t to become unaffected. The change was being able to recognize what was happening while it was happening, rather than handing the rest of my day over to an old story. That feels like a much more realistic measure of growth to me.
Hi Teresa, I love how you've simplified the steps in the RISE method to help people become aware of and understand where the invisible beliefs originate and how to transform them instead of allowing them to take over their lives 💜
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I hoped R.I.S.E. could do — make something that can feel incredibly complicated a little easier to understand and work with. So many of our beliefs and patterns operate quietly in the background until we actually stop and recognize them. And once we can see them, we finally have a choice about what we want to carry forward and what we want to change.
Thanks for this article about R.I.S.E. I'm sorry you went through so much. You have shown great resilience.
Thank you so much. Looking back, I think resilience was something I learned along the way rather than something I always felt I had. And that’s really part of why I wanted to share R.I.S.E. — to turn some of what those difficult chapters taught me into something that might help someone else navigate their own.
I truly believe that we’re constantly confronted with challenges. And the eight minutes phone call was one for you. What matters is not the conversation itself, but your reaction to it. I’ve learned that acknowledging it for what it is and then moving on to something else helps. It’s not always easy and I like that you have your RISE method to help you navigate these kinds of situations. Sending you so much love.🫶
Thank you so much. And yes, that’s exactly it. The eight-minute call was really just the trigger — what mattered was recognizing what it brought up in me and what I chose to do with it afterwards. That’s actually such a big part of why I created R.I.S.E.: not because we can avoid challenges, but because having something to come back to can help us understand our reaction and choose where we go from there. Sending lots of love back to you.
Hey Teresa
For you it was a 8 minute call with your father to trigger
For me it is some other immediate family member to trigger
Those 8 minutes is like a hours. The reason being we are aware the call doesn’t have any soul to it. We can sense this. After the conversation it leaves a leaves a feeling of heaviness in both our mind and heart .
I have experienced and I am experiencing this Teresa . So can relate to this post .
Thanks 🙏🏻
Uma, I really felt this. Especially when you said that those eight minutes can feel like hours when you already know there is no real connection in the conversation. And that heaviness afterwards… I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it’s not even about what was said, but about everything you can feel underneath what wasn’t said. Thank you for sharing something so personal with me. Sending you lots of love.
Perhaps the hardest change isn’t preventing the past from touching us, but recognizing the exact moment it begins speaking in place of the present. I was especially struck by the distinction between what happens and the meaning we continue to give it.
I love how you put this — “the moment the past begins speaking in place of the present.” That’s exactly the space I’m trying to become better at catching. The past will still touch us, but we don’t have to let it automatically interpret what is happening now. For me, that distinction between the event and the meaning is where a different response finally becomes possible.
Perhaps the hardest change isn’t preventing the past from touching us, but recognizing the exact moment it begins speaking in place of the present. I was especially struck by the distinction between what happens and the meaning we continue to give it.